Chapter Ten

Pingo has a Gesine problem.

10: Churpo Zurp…Gesine Altergott Cheen Urp (Chapter Ten…Chasing Off Gesine Altergott)

Dulp froze as all ten skeletal warriors creaked open their skeletal jaws in order to let forth one unified skeletal scream. They rattled their rusty weapons and beat upon their even rustier shields, but they waited in place for some reason, and whether or not that waiting was choosing the right moment to attack or simply waiting for a response, Dulp did not know.

He knew his own grass-green skin had to look like boiled broccoli from the whole paling-in-fear thing, but at least he hadn’t soiled himself. One look at Skippy, however, told him that he was not alone in this sentiment.

The ugly little gob was visible in his terror as well; Skippy was afraid of the undead for some reason, something Dulp had picked up on during their first undead encounter with the zombies, so it was a given that Skippy wasn’t all supergob, and that made Dulp feel a little less inferior for the moment.

Of course, that little realization wasn’t much help in the face of being brutally chopped apart by a squad of rabid skeleton warriors.

“Can you speak skeleton?” squeaked out Skippy.

His cringey, lilting voice was a little higher than normal, and in any other setting, Dulp would have laughed at this, but in this setting, he really needed the badass from the White Skulls to show off his badassery in the most badass way possible…like now, like right Gobdarned now.

Nevertheless, Dulp answered Skippy’s question with all forthright honesty, mainly because he was used to doing it.

“Yeah, but skeletons are pretty single-minded,” said Dulp in a quavering voice.

“How so?” asked Skippy.

Dulp could obviously tell the ugly little gob was just as terrified as he was, but this was also Skippy they were talking about, and Dulp was pretty sure that Skippy’s curiosity vastly outweighed his common sense. If that weren’t true, Skippy wouldn’t have wandered into the South Quarter on his own, a death wish for any sensible gob other than Fancy…not that Fancy was actually sensible, but still.

Even so, Dulp, once again, answered Skippy’s question.

“They only ever talk about some guy named ‘Jason,’” replied Dulp. “They’re always looking for him or something. I have no idea why.”

“No one really knows, you little green nose-picking,” came a harsh female voice.

The skeletons parted down the middle to make way for an imposing human figure, a young woman with an hourglass build dressed in a dark-blue, form-fitting, hooded robe with a lowcut bust that showed off her ample cleavage. Her hood was up so that her face was difficult to see, and that hood and robe were lined with fancy silver edges. The entirety of the robe itself was bedecked with silver symbols that twirled this way and that, strange magical symbols that Dulp had no idea what they meant in their significance, but they were something that automatically screamed “dangerous” to him.

She was clearly one of those wizardly/sorceressly types like Jenny, so this also automatically screamed to Dulp that he wanted nothing to do with her. In fact, her robe was lacking sleeves, and the hem was split along the middle to show off her bare legs, something only evil sorceressly types did, so that cinched it for Dulp. He really, really wanted nothing to do with her.

Incidentally, she had spoken in Gob, so that meant she knew their kind or had some interest in their kind, but unlike being interested in their kind like Skippy was, Dulp was pretty sure this human female only knew their language because she was used to dealing with goblins in general, and that meant it was a pretty good bet she was working for the Duke, and that meant both he and Skippy were deep in the orc scat now.

“Aww crap!” hissed Dulp.

“Where is this meddling fool that dares interfere with the Duke’s plans?” demanded the woman.

She raised her left hand, and an orb of bright-blue light formed into existence above her open palm. That orb of light whisked forward to shine upon both Dulp and Skippy, causing the both of them to momentarily shield their eyes from the cobalt glare.

The orb backed away from them after a second and hovered in-between them and the skeletal horde.

The nefarious woman in question lowered her hood and stared at Skippy.

Her face was pretty for a human—ugly for a bogo, but that was irrelevant—and she had long, straight black hair, dark-blue eyes, and a soft round face that belied her obvious magical wickedness.

Dulp was not much for such things when it came to females, not one to swoon over a female’s looks, because in his experience, all females were dangerous, and this one just happened to be more so. Besides, he’d seen enough of Lyga to last a lifetime, boobies and all, and she was the best-looking bogo in the village.

It was actually the look of deep surprise upon the young woman’s face that…err…surprised Dulp, because that was an expression he had not been expecting.

“Skippy?” asked the woman.

“Gesine?” asked Skippy.

Skippy’s Field Notes #45:

Gesine Altergott was an upperclassman of mine when I had first arrived at the Academy. Of course, she’d graduated long before I had, but unlike me, she’d chosen not to stay with the Royal Scribes. Last I’d heard, she was teaching human children over in Flussebenen, one of Auserset’s larger cities, a port city much like Hafenstadt, although Flussebenen is situated around the large river of Königsfluss rather than being seated next to the ocean like Hafenstadt.

Gesine has always been a strange one. She’s always been into the dark clothes, edgy jewelry, and forbidden lore. In fact, I think she did her thesis on “Recycling the Dead: A Postmodern Analysis of the Economic Burden of the Modern Graveyard.” Of course, I never thought she would end up working for the Duke. She did do a paper once titled “Duke Werner Jäger Isn’t Such a Bad Guy After All,” but I never thought much on it. Now that I am thinking about it, that title probably should have tipped me off.

Unrelated, but I still don’t understand why her first thesis was accepted and mine wasn’t. I had originally intended to do my thesis on a foreign land across the ocean, that land called “Edo,” and after some intense research, I had learned this land was famous for its exotic palace, blooming flowers, and extensive water gardens.

They have a unique type of lily flower there called a “yuri,” and that flower spawns upon a walled stream lined by solid gold bricks. I had gone through a short spurt of fascination with this palace and stream—a temporary wandering from my fascination with bo…ahem…goblins, I know—so I had decided to do my thesis on this subject, and I had titled my thesis “Yuri Nation, the Golden Stream,” but it got rejected by the head professors. To this day, I still have no idea why.

Anyway, I don’t know why any of this with Gesine surprises me. She was never really liked at the academy. The lads called her “Mean Gesine,” and the girls called her “Altergott the…” Well, I’ll leave out the second half of what the girls called her. Let’s just say it rhymed or sort of rhymed with “gott,” and it wasn’t very nice.

Anyhoo, I never really interacted with her, although she knew who I was, I being the only strapping young halfling lad at the Academy. We would pass each other in the halls on occasion, and naturally I would smile when she passed by, mainly because she has extraordinarily fine legs, legs, I might add, that she has always shaved on a regular basis, unlike the other girls at the academy.

Incidentally, your typical human female does not shave her legs, as I had noticed by observing most of the young women during my time at the Academy.

Gesine was the odd one out, as she never has liked to wear dresses, and instead has always worn the racy split-leg robe more befitting evil sorceresses and the like, another reason I should have seen her fall to the dark powers coming. Also, her robes tend to be sleeveless, so she has always shaved under her arms, something the other girls never did, probably yet another reason they didn’t like her.

Hmmm…I wonder if she’s shaved everywhere?

Err…uhhh…I’ll put a pin in that thought for now.


“What are you doing here?” asked the sorceressly woman Skippy had called “Gesine.”

“I…uhhh…” stalled out Skippy.

Dulp’s breath caught in his throat. Skippy must have known this pet of the Duke because of his time in the White Skulls. This wasn’t good, because that meant…if they knew each other…they were probably rivals, and…this wasn’t going to end well.

“And why do you have that stupid grin on your face?” asked Gesine.

Dulp turned to see the flitting back and forth of Skippy’s blue eyes, so he knew the ugly little gob was thinking of something, and hopefully, Skippy would think of something sooner rather than later.

Dulp did not want to be chopped apart by the skeletons of former humans…That would be an embarrassment, especially considering he and Skippy had just been going over the gob afterlife mere moments before. The one thing Dulp did not want was to come back as a bogo, and that was a distinct possibility if he allowed the village to be destroyed because of his inattentiveness…That thought made him shudder right down to his soul.

“I…I’m just happy to see you, Gesine,” stammered Skippy.

“Oh, really? It has been a wh…” started the young woman. “Wait…Why?”

Skippy shrugged and shook his head no. True, he still had that incredibly stupid grin on his face, but that paradoxically added some sort of truthfulness to what he was saying, even though Dulp could tell the little gob was lying.

“I haven’t seen you in years,” said Skippy. “You still look gorgeous, though. It’s those beautiful legs of yours. I’ve always admired them…Flawless and beautifully shaved…It’s too bad the other girls at the academy never followed your lead.”

The young sorceress stuck forth her bare right leg and stared down at it as she ran both hands up the smooth skin, all the way from her bare ankle to her bare thigh.

“Oh, don’t I know it,” she said happily. “I just can’t stand that hairy carpet look those…ugh…female canines at the Academy always sported. Did you know I give my legs a proper milk bath once a week? It prevents ingrown hairs when my hair actually does start growing ba…”

Her pretty face twisted in confusion for a moment, she shook her head twice, and then she gave Skippy a glare that would have re-curdled cheese.

“Stop trying to confuse me!” she demanded. “Why are you here!…Wait…”

Dulp watched as the young sorceress’s expression changed from confusion to shock and then from shock to anger.

“It’s you!” she hissed. “You’re the one behind this!”

Dulp felt his already blanched skin go even whiter. They were definitely going to get explodied now.

Skippy, on the other hand, was as cool as a cucumber. He shook his head no, that stupid grin still plastered all over his ugly face, and then he waved his hands in front of himself.

“No, no,” he said quickly. “You have it all wrong. I found out about Pingo some time ago. I already knew they were going to turn on the Duke. That’s why I came here to scout out their defenses. With the impending war against King Rilewun, I knew the trouble Pingo was going to cause for the Duke, so naturally, I inserted myself amongst them in order to sabotage them from the inside out.”

“Wait…WHAT!” cried Dulp.

He’d said that on instinct, but it was more than warranted. Skippy was a traitor, which meant…Pingo was doomed.

“You Gobdarned traitor!” hissed Dulp.

Skippy turned, looked him straight in the eyes, and gave him a simple, brutal command.

“Quiet, you little green toad-licker!” said Skippy firmly.

He winked once, that blue eye closing for just a second, but Dulp caught on immediately. He didn’t know what Skippy had in mind, but whatever it was, he was going to have to play along with the ugly little gob for now.

“On your knees and beg for forgiveness, orc scat!” demanded Skippy.

Dulp did his best to look terrified, which wasn’t all that difficult, considering he felt like soiling his pants then and there, though that reaction had nothing to do with Skippy’s little act.

He knelt down before Skippy and bowed low before him.

“I…I…I’m sorry!” he stammered. “Please, don’t raze the village!”

“That’s more like it, you little scum,” growled Skippy.

Dulp wondered why Skippy kept calling him “little” when he was actually taller than the White Skulls gob. Sure, he was shorter than the skeletons and the sorceress, but that was because of racial reasons. Nevertheless, he went with Skippy’s nonsense, insulting as it was.

He took a sideways glance at the sorceress named “Gesine.”

The human woman looked unconvinced, but she also looked unsure, which meant Skippy’s plan (whatever that happened to be) had a shot at working.

“You’re telling me you’re working for the Duke?” asked Gesine.

“Of course,” grinned Skippy. “I have these little toad-lickers firmly under my thumb…I know their defenses and their most dangerous attacks.”

“Uh, huh…” said Gesine uncertainly.

“In fact, my contact from the Duke already told me you were arriving,” said Skippy confidently. “Oh, I couldn’t wait to see you again, Gesine!”

“Really?” asked the young woman.

“Oh, yeah…To see those beautiful legs and that gorgeous face again?” asked Skippy. “I couldn’t wait to work with you on this! You were always my favorite at the academy. Those other girls never held a candle to you!”

The young sorceress’s face burnished a nice sheen of red as she gave an awkward smile in return.

“That’s exactly what I’ve been saying for the last eight years!” she said happily. “I’m telling you, they were just a bunch of giant jerks over there. I mean, I could call them what they really are, but I’ll save that unladylike behavior for later.”

“It’s fine,” grinned Skippy. “I’ve already softened things up for you here anyway. The Chief is tied up in his hutch, and I’ve poisoned the gob warriors with a sleeping herb. They should be easy pickings for you to take and torture at your leisure. The bogos, the females of the species, are harmless, so you can sell them off whenever.”

“Well, I’m glad you have things in order,” frowned Gesine. “That makes things easier on me…but are you sure about the females? The Duke’s source said it was the females that killed Tony Skullcrusher and his enforcers.”

“Oh, that’s because I had the gob warriors dress up as females,” said Skippy firmly. “I told them it was to throw off the orcs, but I was really just pranking them…They actually bought that stupid lie! Can you believe it!”

He gave a hearty laughy, and Gesine followed suit. The young woman barked out a short chuckle, and then she shook her head no.

“Oh, I wish I could have seen that,” she snickered. “Anyway, since things are already in order here, I’d better get to work. The Duke is not a patient man, but he has promised me his dark gift once I take care of this. That’s something I’m not about to jeopardize.

“Once I’m turned into a vampire, I’m going to go rain down some terror on those stuck-up dog-lickers from the Academy. I’m going to hunt down those girls one by one. They’re going to get what’s coming to them for all of the crap they put me through.

“Not to mention how the Academy stuck me over in Flussebenen. It was the only job I could get after graduating! Just wait until I get my hands on whoever was responsible for that…No, somebody over there’s going to pay. I didn’t suffer through six years of teaching ungrateful little brats for nothing.”

Dulp looked up into Skippy’s face, and he could see a hint of pity there, a flash of something merciful he had not noticed before. He did not know what Skippy was planning, but if the ugly little gob went soft now…none of this was going to turn out well.

“Just out of curiosity, and I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but…” said Skippy, “how old are you, Gesine?”

“Oh, I’m twenty-nine,” said the sorceress.

Honestly, Dulp had a hard time believing that. He’d heard that the magical types could live a long time, but this young-looking woman was actually an old lady…Good grief.

“Twenty-nine’s not old,” smiled Skippy. “You have your whole life ahead of you to…to be happy…to find happiness…but I will say that you don’t look a day over twenty-one…What’s your secret?…Wait, don’t tell me…It’s those milk baths you take.”

Gesine’s pretty human face turned a nice shade of crimson once more.

“That’s one of the reasons,” she said shyly. “Once I’m a vampire, though, I won’t be taking milk baths anymore. I won’t need to. However, I have been researching blood baths. They’re supposed to fully energize a vampiress. I’ve heard the blood of virgins is especially potent.”

Dulp watched in fascination as Skippy’s peach-colored face paled over slightly.

“Oh…well…it’s a good thing I’ve had plenty of the lasses in my own time,” said Skippy nervously. “I love the ladies…but like you said, enough of this.”

“Yes,” nodded Gesine. “Let’s finish this. This little village needs to be wiped off the map.”

“Of course,” nodded Skippy. “However, the Chief and his cronies aren’t going anywhere any time soon, so I suggest a toast is in order.”

“A toast?” asked the young…youngish…woman. “What do you mean?”

Skippy slung off his sackcloth backpack, placed it at his feet, untied the strings, opened it, and pulled out a large bottle of premium, dark-red hooch.

“These little toad-lickers have been hoarding a ton of stolen liquor,” said Skippy firmly. “In fact, I’ve recently liberated a fine bottle of forty-year-old Pflügergeist. We can celebrate right here before we go in and kick some butt.”

Okaaaaay…” said Gesine, but she did not sound convinced.

Dulp now had an inkling of what Skippy was trying to pull, and if he could pull off this one, then he really was a made gob, the G.O.A.T., the Gobbiest of All Time. Even so, it sounded like Gesine was going to need a little more coaxing if she was going to fall for it.

“Aww, shucks!” said Skippy unhappily. “I forgot the cups! Doggonit!…Slave! Go fetch me some cups!”

“I don’t think so,” frowned Gesine. “I think you should both stay here where I can keep an eye on you…just in case.”

“Well, I guess we’ll all have to drink from the bottle, then,” shrugged Skippy. “Really, though, it’s too bad we don’t have any cups. I was thinking your skeletons could join in for a symbolic drink as well. They’re ultra-cool. Very fine construction, I might add.”

Gesine’s pessimistic attitude did an abrupt 180°. She gave a wide smile and nodded twice in enthusiasm.

“You think so?” she asked. “I’ve gotten really good at summoning them. In the old days, they used to use dragon’s teeth for the spell, but now they’ve narrowed it down to old human teeth. Heck, you can just walk right into a village and collect baby teeth that’ve fallen out, rotten teeth that’ve been pulled out, that kind of thing. It’s a lot easier now than it was century ago.”

“Fascinating!” said Skippy. “Anyhoo, let’s celebrate.”

He unsealed the wax around the lip of the bottle and pulled out the glass stopper, taking a moment to sniff the contents.

“Ahh!” sighed Skippy. “There’s nothing like a fine bottle of even finer Pflügergeist!”

He put it up to his lips to drink, but the youngish sorceress stopped him.

“Wait!” she said swiftly.

“Yes?” asked Skippy as he lowered the bottle.

“Here,” said Gesine. “I…I like this idea of celebrating in full…I think the skeletons should toast, too. They are very fine work on my part, after all. I’ll just use a simple conjuration spell for some glasses.”

“Works for me,” grinned Skippy.

The woman lifted her right hand, palm up, and then made a tracing finger-motion with her left index finger over her right upwards palm. An eerie blue light shone where she had traced in the air, and then a silver platter appeared out of that thin air, that platter resting upon her open palm. Thirteen small crystal shot glasses rested upon this platter, one for each of them, skeletons included.

“Thirteen!” grinned Gesine. “My lucky number…Come on, Skippy. Let’s celebrate.”

Skippy walked over to the human woman, and she lowered the platter so that he could pour a shot of fine wine for each crystal glass. He then put the glass stopper back in the bottle, set the bottle in the dirt, and gently took the silver platter from Gesine.

“Let’s get this party started!” said Skippy happily.

He walked up to the horde, handed a shot glass to each skeleton, walked back, handed one to Gesine, and then walked back to hand one to Dulp.

Dulp stared down into the contents of the small glass and breathed in the sweet scent of premium hooch. He was definitely going to get a buzz off of this one.

“Cheers!” said Skippy as he raised his glass.

The sorceress shook her head once as her face twisted inwardly with doubt.

“Wait…” she said in audible uncertainty. “You drink first…He drinks, too, the little goblin there.”

Skippy walked back over and stood next to Dulp, nodded once at him, and shone a wide grin.

“Certainly!” said the ugly little gob with marked confidence. “Cheers!”

He downed his little glass of wine and then shook his head as his peach-colored cheeks flushed red.

Dulp shrugged and downed his in one gulp. He felt an immediate rush of power, a supernatural jolt that made him shiver all the way down to his bearstrips.

Ooooh, yeah,” he drawled out. “That is some high-quality hooch!”

Gesine waited a few seconds, and as soon as she was visibly confident that nothing untoward was going to happen, she put forth her own grin.

“Cheers!” she said happily. “Let’s all take our shots, guys!”

She drank her shot and shivered in reaction to it, but Dulp was more interested in the skeletons “drinking” theirs. Those undead bags of bones opened their creaking jaws and downed their shots, the fine liquid spilling down their bones to drip all over the ground, that delicious liquid gold wasted, and normally this would have made Dulp cry over such a travesty, but the resulting chaos from this incredibly stupid action was well worth the show.

Skippy’s Field Notes #46:

As I’ve mentioned in a previous field note, whenever the gobs of the village “acquire” hooch, they give it to Fancy Niceclothes, who then takes it over to the South quarter to hand off to the bogos. The bogos sanctify the hooch and then hand it back over to Fancy, who would normally take it to the Chief for storage in the hoochery, but who now takes it to me, as I am the designated “Officer of the Hooch.”

The gobs of the village are ignorant of the sanctification process the bogos use when bestowing blessings upon the hooch, but Jenny has given me some insight into the process, though she did not give me much in the way of details, as some secrecy must be maintained.

During our time at tea, Jenny informed me that she is not in charge of sanctifying the hooch. That duty rests upon someone else, though she would not tell me who. I suspect the culprit behind it is Old Matron Bogo, because she seems to be the only other female in the village with any magical powers besides Jenny. Plain Jane is also a candidate, but that’s only because I’ve heard she’s a scholarly bookworm like me. It’s possible she could have picked up some spells over her years of study.

Apparently, the bogos do not worship the Great Gob, but instead believe in the “Holy Mother Bogo,” a matriarchal goddess as opposed to the patriarchal god the gobs worship. Whoever is blessing the hooch does so in the name of the Holy Mother Bogo, and this blessing enchants the hooch with magical powers, though I’ve never heard of such a thing before. The goblins here are unique in that.

I wonder if that’s the way it is in all goblin villages?

Anyway, the hooch is taken to a “hooch shrine” and left there overnight, assumedly after receiving the blessing of the Holy Mother Bogo. The hooch is then collected by Fancy during his daily runs for impending storage in the hoochery.

Jenny informed me that the bogos will take and keep a couple of bottles for themselves, but they only crack open a bottle for celebrations and special occasions, unlike the gobs, who would absolutely drink themselves to death if given the chance. Trust me, after having been raised by parents who run a distillery, and after having been a fine member for an even finer fraternity, I’ve known plenty of halflings and humans alike with that very same flaw!


“Oh, that is good stu—” began Gesine.

She stopped her very accurate observation of the quality of Skippy’s “liberated” hooch as the skeletons around her shook, shivered, and shimmied due to that very same hooch.

Beams of bright light burst from the bones of each of the skeletal warriors, a light so bright that Dulp had to shield his eyes for a few brief seconds. The skeletons were gone after that, ashed to ashey dust, just miniature piles of grey ash with scattered rusty weapons, dropped rusty shields, and scraps of tattered cloth here and there.

“What the…!” exclaimed Gesine. “What is this!”

She looked toward Skippy for some answers, but the ugly little gob had already pulled forth his little violet crystal that Jenny had given him.

“8-6-7-5-3-0-9!” cried Skippy.

An ebon triangle of pure shadow appeared next to Skippy, and Dulp knew what that meant.

Help was on the way.

It took less than three seconds for Jenny to respond, as she and the other bogos were supposed to hit the scene the moment Skippy called for them.

That triangle of shadow warped into an oblong portal, and Jenny Crazy Eyes stepped through that portal, but more portals erupted out of time and space, tearing open the air around Dulp and Skippy as the bogos of Pingo rushed to their defense.

It was getting exciting now, but Dulp wasn’t sure ground zero was the place he actually wanted to be.

“Skippy, you traitor!” screeched Gesine.

The necromancer/sorceress quickly pulled a black wand from her skimpy robes, a wand made of black root wood, a twisted and gnarled thing that was clearly going to be used for no-good intent.

Jenny raised her groundhog-skull staff in response, the empty orbital sockets of the staff glowing with a wicked green wytchfire, and then she began her magical assault.

“Invokus Freeziki Smackus Bott—!” she began, but she was cut short.

“Don’t kill her!” yelled Skippy as he stood before Jenny, effectively blocking her attack.

“Skippy!” shrieked Jenny in complete surprise.

Now, Dulp had no idea what the ugly little gob was doing by pulling this one, but stopping Jenny in the middle of a spell was a seriously bad idea.

The other bogos, however, did not share Skippy’s sentiment.

Lyga, Xenon, Tall Sally, Akira the Blade, Curly Shirley, and the Jo-Jos all rushed Gesine in a semi-unified horde, and this would have been a pretty bloody and rather unfair murdering session were it not for the fact that the youngish-looking sorceress was already prepared for them.

“Windeye Blastimus Blowicus Downicus!” yelled Gesine.

A huge gale-force wind knocked everyone to the dirt. Lyga and Xenon were knocked down in spite of their armor, Tall Sally hit the ground regardless of her heavy warhammer, and Akira the Blade, Curly Shirley, and the twins were all blown back several feet in little rolling balls like bogo tumbleweeds. Even Skippy, badass as he was, was thrown down to the grassy field to land unceremoniously upon Jenny.

Dulp backflipped twice and landed on his feet with ease thanks to the magical hooch coursing through his veins. That super-duper adroitness he got from downing the most awesome stuff in the universe had actually paid off for once.

But Gesine wasn’t done yet.

“Come to me, my undead minions!” called out the sorceress.

She waved her wand in the air to draw a large circle, and that circle created a rift of pure shadow, something very similar to Jenny’s portals. A small group of rotting human zombies shuffled forth from that black, a group to match Pingo’s own fearsome line of defense.

“Aww, crap!” hissed Dulp.

He was saying that a lot lately, but the times warranted it. Things were just going straight to Heckens around here anymore.

The bogos were up and on their bearstripped feet seconds later. Lyga immediately rallied the troops; she readied her spear, gave a short ululating battle cry, and then all the bogos charged once more.

Dulp honestly didn’t know how well they were going to fare against zombies in a straight up fight, considering zombies lack a crotchal weak point, every bogo’s go to point of attack. He was hoping the natural viciousness of bogo sadism would carry the day here. If he was really lucky, maybe one or two of the bogos would get laid out in the process. He wouldn’t mind Lyga being out of commission for a couple of days.

Just once he’d like to have her up on the X to see how she liked it, but that had nothing to do with this fight. That was just wishful thinking. Paddling her big bare butt would be a death wish, of course, but it would certainly earn him a place with the Great Gob after Lyga murdered him three times over. The look on the Great Gob’s beaming face as he awarded Skippy with fifteen buckets of fried chicken, a line of admirers, and bags and bags of gold for giving Lyga a glowing red bum?…That would be something.

He shook that thought out of his head; it was distracting. He was still caught in the middle of an ongoing battle, and now was not the time to get killed because he was daydreaming.

He turned his attention back toward Skippy and Jenny, because Skippy still had some explaining to do.

“Skippy, what are you doing!” cried Jenny.

Skippy hopped up and pulled the always deadly but now irate witch to her feet.

“You can’t kill her!” he exclaimed. “It’s cruel! She doesn’t know what she’s doing!”

“I’m pretty sure she knows what she’s do—” argued Jenny, but she didn’t get to finish that argument.

“Bindus Shadowcon Chainiki Limbicus!” said Gesine.

Four small black portals appeared around Jenny, and thick chains made of dark-purple light, magical chains that emerged from those little hovering black holes, wrapped around Jenny’s arms and legs. Her face twisted in pain as she squeezed shut her strange, crimson-tinged eyes. She cried out once, and Skippy was knocked backwards to his bum as he stared up at her in shock and surprise.

“Now I’ll pull you apart, little witch!” hissed Gesine.

Jenny screamed out a loud and torturous scream as the magical chains binding her began to pull back into the portals from whence they came.

Dulp could do nothing but watch. He had honestly thought nothing short of a cosmic calamity could kill Jenny Crazy Eyes, but now it seemed as if she were going to be drawn and quartered right in front of him.

“Jenny!” yelled Skippy, his face a cast of sheer panic.

Goblins in the Mist: Chapter Ten Copyright © 2023 Matthew L. Marlott

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