Maggie flipped off the TV via the remote, sat back, smiled, and shook her head a couple of times.
“I just love that show,” she said happily. “I just love the drama and the romance and the…the friendship everyone has. It’s so full of…of life, you know?”
She turned and stared back at Linus. His dark eyes were wide with obvious fear, and considering his mouth was sealed shut, all he could do was make a “MMMFFF! MMMFFF! MMMFFF!” sound, but that was fine. She could tell he’d liked the show, too.
Linus was at least ten years older than her, a younger millennial, not Gen-Z like herself. He was a somewhat attractive white guy with a shock of short brown hair and dark brown eyes, and he had a beard-and-mustache combo, a short beard-and-mustache combo, and that facial hair gave him a manlier look than, she imagined, he would normally possess. He had on those big dumb dork glasses, but he was still good looking. He was fit but not really muscular, but that was okay, too. He’d do all the same.
“What do you think, Linus?” asked Maggie.
He couldn’t really answer, of course, but she could tell he agreed with her. Actually, she didn’t really know what was going on in his mind, and for that matter, what his real name was, but that was okay, because he looked like a “Linus” to her anyway.
Maggie was a white twenty-two-year-old woman with hazel eyes, a cute face, and a keen smile, and she was, in spite of her situation, still quite content to be alive and well…despite her immediate family, her mother included. Of course, her mother and grandma lived elsewhere, but that was okay, because being forced out on her own came with its own perks…
She was just going to have to look on the bright side of things.
Maggie had short blonde hair that was poorly cut, badly chopped, in fact, but considering she had to be satisfied with cutting her own hair, she’d just accepted this as a “new-and-fashionable” look that people were just going to have to accept as well. It’s not like she could just pop on over to a salon to get a professional cut.
“Although, that would be cool,” she smiled and nodded. “Oh, sorry. I forget sometimes that you can’t hear my inner thoughts. It’s why I think out loud most of the time. I mean, I really love the company, but I’m alone ninety-percent of the time, which is why I can be a little socially awkward.”
Linus whined a bit, so she rolled her eyes and picked up his black backpack. She fished around in it for a second before removing a plastic bottle of water. She unscrewed the cap and made her way over to her new friend. She carefully moved the strands sealing his lips shut and had him drink from the bottle.
Linus took in several gulps of water before he took in a few frantic breaths.
“Wh…Where are my friends?” he gasped out.
She put the cap back on the bottle and tossed the bottle back in his backpack. She needed to answer him anyway.
“Why?” asked Maggie. “Who cares about them?”
“Wh…Where are they!” he said, this time more frantically, more urgently.
“Oh, they’ve all passed on,” waved off Maggie.
“P…Passed on?” stammered Linus.
“As in deceased,” said Maggie as she nodded once.
“Wh…What?” asked Linus.
His dark eyes watered over with tears. It was kind of stupid, him being a man and all, to cry over…well…anything, but it was also kind of sad, so Maggie gave up the joke and shook her head no.
“They’re not dead, stupid!” she giggled. “What kind of man are you! You’re supposed to yell at me and call me all kinds of names and say I’m a liar…which I am and I was…lying that is…
“They all left after looking for you for a couple of hours. I mean, I could have killed them all, but why would I do that?…Like I want the police at my doorstep…Psssht!…Plus, I’m not a bloodthirsty idiot. What kind of monster do you think I am?…Don’t answer that, Linus.”
“My name is not LnmMMMFFF!” said Linus.
She sealed his lips shut again. His name was now Linus, and that’s all there was to it.
“So, as I was saying…” continued Maggie. “As I was saying, I really love Why Am I Not Surprised?. I just love Dannie and Billie and…and Joe and Damien. I just love the whole show and all of the drama and the romance and the…Wait…I already said that…I’m repeating myself, aren’t I?…Where was I?
“Oh, and before I continue, thanks for the new flatscreen, by the way. I’m glad you brought this equipment…My old TV was giving out. It’s not like I can go down to the store and get a new one…not to mention that I don’t have any money anyway. I’m just glad this part of this old abandoned school is still hooked to the power grid. Boy, when they find out, they’re going to shut it down, but I’m going to milk that cow for now, you know?”
Linus struggled against his bonds, but he wasn’t getting out of those cords any time soon, no way. She’d made those bindings herself.
Maggie looked upon his jerky movements with amusement, but then his phone rang, so she reached into the right-side pocket of his brown cargo pants, pulled forth his smartphone, and stared down at the caller’s name on the screen.
“Who’s Sasha?” she asked in confusion.
“MMMFFF! MMMFFF! MMMFFF!” said Linus.
“It’s a good thing I’m proficient in smartphones,” explained Maggie. “I’ve got like six of them now, but they always get disconnected after the phone companies figure out they aren’t being paid. Kind of sucks, you know? I don’t have any other way of getting on the internet, but your phone should be good for a while, right?”
The phone stopped ringing, and Maggie sighed in response to this happenstance.
“Oh, well,” she shrugged. “I could have answered that…Wait…”
She opened the phone with one swipe and shook her head in amusement.
“Always lock the phone with a pin, dummy,” she chuckled. “That’s like first grade!…Well, I guess I don’t have to squeeze it out of you like I’ve had to with all my other friends in the past…
“Anyway, now we just shut off the location…Doot, doot, doot…aaaaaaand violà! Now the police can’t track it…I think…Eh, no one’s ever come looking in the past, but…but you can’t be too careful!”
She stared at the phone, frowned, and then stared at Linus.
“Who is Sasha, Linus?” she asked. “I’m kind of upset now. You and I can’t take this relationship to a higher plane of existence if you’ve been holding out on me with a secret girlfriend.”
Linus’s eyes widened as he struggled furiously against his bonds.
“No, no, no,” said Maggie unhappily as she shook her head. “You’re not getting out of that. I made that myself, and it took a lot of digesting to make that much, but that doesn’t answer the most important question here, and that question is preeeeetty simple…Who is Sasha, Linus?”
She lowered the strands covering his mouth, and he took in a few deep breaths.
“She’s my fiancée, you monstrous, evil bi—!” he began.
She sealed his mouth shut before he could finish that insult.
“Don’t call me names!” scowled Maggie. “I’m not going to have an abusive boyfriend!…And there’s no way I’m letting you marry some rando skank just because you’re a tad upset with me.”
She suddenly felt like crying, so she released a couple of tears and then wiped them from her pallid cheeks. Linus’s eyes widened for the forty-fifth time as he looked upon her in sheer surprise.
“You’ve hurt my feelings now, Linus,” she choked out. “How could you do this to me!…Cheating on me like this…It’s not like I’ve had a magnificent life. It hasn’t been all roses and potpourri, you know.
“Just because Grandma Lorena kicked out my mom at age eighteen, my stupid mother decided she was going to do the same to me, and it was on my birthday! She did it on my freaking eighteenth birthday! Can you believe that!
“Now, it’s been four years, and after wandering around like a…a wanderer…who wanders…I’m ready to settle down…Plus, I’m lonely. I want someone in my life who will always be there for me, so I’ve decided it’s time to find that special someone and make a baby with him.
“Honestly, Linus, I thought you were that special someone.”
She lowered the strands sealing his lips.
“W…W…Wait!” sputtered Linus. “You’re lonely? Is…Is that the problem?”
“Of course, I’m lonely,” shrugged Maggie. “Why do you think I watch TV all day? Do you think I can just walk out onto a public street and ask somebody if they’ll be my friend?…I got suuuuuper lucky by finding this school, by the way. I’d be up the poo-poo creek without a paddle if I hadn’t.”
“You…You don’t have to be lonely,” said Linus. “We can be friends, right? You can let me go, and then I can bring all of my friends back here! They’d love to meet you, right?”
“Don’t lie to me, Linus,” scowled Maggie. “I know what you’re trying to do…It won’t work…You’re just going to leave, and…and then you’ll bring your friends back so you can make fun of me. Your friends will think I’m stupid and ugly.”
“No, no,” said Linus with a shake of his head. “No, they’ll see what I see.”
“And what do you see?” asked Maggie.
She was curious now.
“What could you possibly see that I haven’t seen every day of my stupid, miserable, lonely life?” she asked.
“You’re beautiful,” said Linus. “You…You really are one of a kind. I’ve never seen a…a creature so uniquely lovely in all my life. You…You’re as lovely as a summer day in June.”
Maggie stared down at her stained red T-shirt with the moth-eaten holes in it.
“Dressed in this?” she asked. “These are bum clothes, Linus! These are what homeless people wear!…I can’t go down to the mall or the shopping center or whatever and pick up new ones, you know!…I’m not even wearing a bra! I’m not wearing a bra because I don’t have any! You can clearly make out the outline of my tits, because I’ve got pretty big ones, and…Wait…I guess that’s a plus with guys, isn’t it?”
“It…It can be,” nodded Linus. “You…uhhh…You’re not just beautiful; you…uhhh…you’re sexy, too. You’re sexy as hell. Your…Your breasts are divine.”
“How would you know?” asked Maggie in confusion. “You haven’t seen them.”
“I…I…I’d like to see them,” nodded Linus.
Maggie thought about this and smiled, and then that smile turned into a wide grin.
“I knew you’d come around!” she said with ecstatic fervor. “Now we can be together and make a baby and everything will be so much better! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!”
His phone rang again, and due to the fact that she was still holding it in her left hand, it was readily accessible, but she had to frown—an automatic response— as she stared down at the caller’s name.
“Hang on,” she said unhappily. “I have to take this.”
“Wait, who is call—” began Linus.
Maggie ignored him by resealing his mouth. She then flipped on his phone and prepared herself for the call.
“Hello,” she said roughly.
It wasn’t a question so much as it was a demand.
“Who is this?” asked a female voice. “Where’s Barry? This is his phone. Is Barry there?”
“This is Linus’s phone,” corrected Maggie.
“What?” asked the female voice.
“This is Linus’s phone, you man-stealing bimbo!” replied Maggie with well-deserved umbrage. “He’s my boyfriend, not yours, and Linus and I are going to make a baby together, so go soak your head in camel piss, you stupid whore!”
“WHAT!” came the voice over the phone.
Maggie hung up on her.
“That was Sasha,” she shrugged. “I think she was looking for you.”
The phone rang again, but Maggie quickly hit the “block” button.
She watched in fascination as Linus squeezed his eyes shut. She could tell he was holding back tears.
“What?” she asked. “What is it, lover?”
She moved aside the strands sealing his lips shut.
“Wh…Why did you do that?” he whined.
“Because you and I are together now,” explained Maggie. “I thought that was understood.”
His dark eyes flitted back and forth in what looked like rapid thought. She could tell he was fighting back tears.
“I…I…I can’t be together with you, uhhh…” he said slowly, uncertainly. “I…I don’t even know your name, but I can’t be together with you because…because…”
“My name is Maggie,” sniffed Maggie.
She was feeling that rejection all over again. The men in her life always rejected her, always.
“Why can’t we be together?” she asked. “Why? What’s so bad about me?…I don’t even smell. I may live like a homeless person, but I don’t really have to take baths, and I don’t even smell, so what’s so bad about me? You said I was beautiful and sexy.”
“You…You don’t smell, Maggie,” said Linus. “You don’t smell; you…Oh, that is weird. You don’t really smell bad at all. You actually smell kind of good, like a perfume I can’t put my finger on…It’s almost like cinnamon mixed with oranges and whipped cream…No…No, I…I’m getting off track.
“Look, Maggie, I know you’re lonely, but I already have a fiancée, and I know that’s terrible for you, but…but I know someone who doesn’t have anyone right now…I know a guy who…who is into your kind of scene. He…He would lose his mind at the sight of you.”
“What?” asked Maggie. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, he is really, really, reeeeaaally into…uhhh…‘people’ like you,” explained Linus. “He’s always drawing girls like you online. He…He loves this kind of thing.”
“Really?” asked Maggie. “Are you making this up?”
“No, no,” said Linus with a shake of his head. “Go to Quirk Art, and look up ‘banalbanana865.’ You know what Quirk Art is, right? It’s where different artists put up their freaky stuff…Just trust me. Use my phone there and look up his art.”
“Okaaaay,” said Maggie cautiously.
She got online on his phone, went to ‘Quirk Art,’ and waited for ‘banalbanana865’ to load. Her hazel eyes widened as she stared down at the art in question.
“Oh…Oh, dear,” she said quietly. “These are…Wow…These are, like, really graphic, Linus…”
“I know,” nodded Linus. “I know, but you can clearly see what he likes, right?”
“Oh, yeah,” nodded Maggie in return. “Wowwee…I…Wow…Ummm…This is super graphic…He is a good artist, though…I can see what he likes, Linus, but is he good looking?”
“Eeeeeh,” shrugged Linus. “He’s a little overweight, and he wears glasses like me, but…but I think…I think he just needs a woman’s touch, you know? You could be the most positive influence in his life; I know it.”
“You think so?” asked Maggie.
“Absolutely,” nodded Linus. “He can be your positive influence, too…All you’ve got to do is let me go, and I’ll get him. I’ll bring him here.”
“Uh, uh,” said Maggie with a shake of her head. “You’ll tell other people, and then they’ll see me, and then they’ll call the police, and then the police will come…They’ll kill me, Linus. I don’t know if you understand this, but I want to live and be happy and have kids and all that. I want to live life like they do in Why Am I Not Surprised?. I want to live life like you get to…Can’t you see that?”
“You will, you will,” said Linus quickly. “I’ll just set it all up for you…Uhhh…I know. You can just call him, and I’ll talk to him, and he can come directly here. Once he’s here, you can let me go, and then he can be with you…
“Besides, I have to get back to my fiancée. How do you think she feels right now?…She’s just as lonely as you are if I’m not with her…She’s probably soaking her head in camel piss as we speak.”
Maggie giggled, rolled her eyes, and then stared into his.
“Was he with your other friends?” she asked.
“Yeah, yeah,” nodded Linus. “He was wearing the red shirt with the Star Trek logo on it. He’s the heavyset guy, but…but he’ll love you with all his heart; I know it.”
“Why would he come back here, though?” asked Maggie.
“Because of the camera I have,” said Linus. “That big camera over there is his…We…We film abandoned places as part of our web series. That’s what we do. Dave is our camera guy. He’s our tech guy.”
“This is online?” asked Maggie.
“Yeah, yeah,” nodded Linus.
“I’m going to have to move then,” frowned Maggie. “There are too many people coming around anymore.”
“That’s okay, that’s okay,” nodded Linus. “Dave’s parents own a big farm. They have an old barn they’re not using…You and Dave can get hitched and live there.”
“A barn?” asked Maggie. “I don’t know…”
“Here, just dial up Dave and talk to him,” said Linus. “I’ll get him out here to meet you, and then I can get back to Sasha, okay?”
“Hmmmm…” said Maggie, as she scrunched up her lips.
She thought about this, but she didn’t have to think for long. She’d seen this “Dave’s” art, so she knew what he was into already.
“Okay,” she shrugged. “Just give me the number, and I’ll meet him.”
*****
“So, because we’re naturally territorial, my mom kicked me out of the house four years ago,” explained Maggie. “One of the reasons, I think, is that she was just being a real beeyatch because I’m stuck looking like this. I can’t shapeshift like her. I can’t look like a normal human woman.”
“You look best like this,” said Dave. “You are absolutely gorgeous like this.”
He was cocooned just like Linus had been, but Linus was long gone, gone back to Sasha and his old life. Now there was only Dave, and…Dave was way more fun than Linus. Nevertheless, Dave had made a statement, so she was going to push that observation a little further.
“You wanna see my breasts?” asked Maggie. “I think you should see all of me before you make that judgement. I’ve got pretty big ones. Guys like big breasts, right?”
“You don’t even have to ask,” said Dave. “I’ve got a hardon just from looking at you with your shirt on. Lemme see those puppies.”
Maggie grinned and shook her head. Dave wasn’t like Linus at all. He wasn’t one bit scared, not one bit.
She ran her fingers along his chubby face and up through his short fluffy hair. She smiled and let her huge fangs drop, raising her eyebrows in wonder over this crazy young man.
“How about now?” she asked. “Am I still pretty?…I can liquefy your organs and suck out what’s left, you know…That’s what happened to everyone else who’s come here. Why do you think I have six dead smartphones?…I ate those people. I ate them, you know. That’s what that pile of cocoons in the corner is. Normally, I just eat stray cats and dogs and other animals, but sometimes I’m just starving, and I can’t help myself.”
“I don’t care,” shrugged Dave. “You did what you had to do to survive, but that’s behind us now. Those others were just inferior stock compared to me…They don’t see you for the angel you are, my hot momma. You can suck me dry, baby.”
Maggie looked back upon the huge spider’s abdomen that made up the lower half of her body. She only had six legs, not eight, because her human arms made up for that in total of limbs. Nevertheless, with this man in her grasp, she could now look upon her black carapace and the red hourglass upon it and feel pride.
“Do you really mean that?” she asked. “I don’t really wanna kill you, you know. I wanna make babies…lots and lots of babies. I can’t do that if you’re dead.”
“You took the words right outta my mouth, my honeydew,” said Dave. “Let’s get hitched and flood the world with our progeny.”
“Oh, you’re my own age, too,” said Maggie. “Linus was a little too old for me anyway. He’s a millennial. We’re both Gen-Z, right? We both have the same interests, right?…Well…I don’t really like Star Trek. I’m more of a romantic girl, but you still like me, right?”
“Hey, each to their own,” shrugged Dave. “I like what I like, and you like what you like, and we both like each other, so it’s all good.”
“Ooooo, that’s what I like to hear, David,” said Maggie as she booped his nose.
“Call me Dave,” said Dave. “No, you know what? Call me…‘my little fly’…or…or ‘my little morsel.’ Yeah…Yeah, I like the sound of that.”
“Ooooo, kinky,” grinned Maggie.
She looked around the basement storage area of this abandoned school. Everything was webbed over, absolutely everything, but that was okay, because she finally had someone in her life who appreciated that.
“I’ve seen what you like, my little morsel,” said Maggie. “I’ve seen your art online…Mmmm…It’s graphic. You really like us spider ladies, don’t you? That really turns me on.”
“Oh, yeah,” nodded Dave.
Maggie pulled up her tattered red shirt and tossed it aside. She cupped her large bare breasts in both hands and held them up for inspection.
“Do you like what you see?” she asked.
“You don’t even have to ask that,” said Dave. “I would crawl through a mile of broken glass just to catch a glimpse of those bare beauties.”
“Mmmm,” said Maggie. “Let’s do this then, little fly. Do you want me to unwrap you, or do you want to stay cocooned?”
“Cocoon me, baby,” nodded Dave. “Leave me like this. Cover the rest of my face except for my nose…Yeah, that’s what I want…You have no idea how happy I am right now…This is my dream come true.”
BONUS STORY…THE NEWLYWED
Journal Entry: January 25th: I just met the most gorgeous woman in all of existence today. I know I told the guys that I’d never be tied down, but Aayushi is the girl I’m going to marry; I know it. And to think that she was right under my nose! She’s been working at the campus library this entire time! The guys are never going to believe me!
Journal Entry: February 12th: Just finished my first date with Aayushi, and we really hit it off. She didn’t believe me when I told her how beautiful she was. She thought I was teasing her. Can you believe that?
Journal Entry: March 18th: Aayushi and I went out with the guys for Saint Patrick’s Day yesterday. We all went on the traditional pub crawl, but Aayushi and I ducked out before nightfall. We both got plastered and fooled around a little, but she wouldn’t go all the way; she says she’s saving herself for marriage. Old fashioned, I know, but I’m cool with it. I know in my heart that she’s the one for me.
Journal Entry: July 4th: This was the best Fourth of July of my life, and for that matter, the best day of my life! I got down on one knee, and Aayushi said yes! YES! Our wedding is set for September 30th…September Magic, baby! I can’t wait!
Journal Entry: August 6th: I’ve tried to ask Aayushi about her family, but she refuses to talk about them, and when she does, she doesn’t say much. All I know is that her father died before she was born, and that her mother doesn’t get along with her. When I ask about her mom, all she will say is that “She is very territorial.”
Journal Entry: September 11th: Aayushi hasn’t been well. She’s broken out with a rash on her back, and her arms and legs hurt. I’ve tried to get her to go see a doctor, but she’s refused. She’s obsessed over her wedding dress; she wants it to look just right, but she refuses to talk about her skin condition. I’m worried about her.
Journal Entry: September 21st: Aayushi’s rash has gotten much worse. I prodded and pleaded and finally got her to show me her back. She doesn’t have any welts or bumps, but she has a large red patch of skin on her back shaped like an hourglass. I freaked out and demanded that she go to the doctor, but the best I could do was get her to promise to go after our wedding. I hope it doesn’t get worse.
Journal Entry: October 1st: It’s after midnight, and I’ve barred the door to the attic, but she’s out there…and I can’t get out…All of the windows and doors are webbed shut. She…She burst out of her skin while we were in the bedroom. Eight legs…Eight…All black and spiky and…and uhhh…her face…I ran, but she’s been busy while I was in the bathroom, because I’m trapped now. Everything’s been webbed shut…and I can hear her…I hear her crawling on the ceiling below…I think she’s coming through the—
Mating Season Copyright © 2025 bloodytwine.com Matthew L. Marlott
The Newlywed Copyright © 2017, 2018, 2020 100 Tall Tales Matthew L. Marlott
The Newlywed Copyright © 2025 bloodytwine.com Matthew L. Marlott
Note: The image for this story was generated via artificial intelligence courtesy of OpenAI and modified courtesy of Canva.com.
