13: Churpo Zurderp…Marko Hippolyga (Chapter Thirteen…Hippolyga Trouble)
Dulp smacked himself on his forehead with his right hand and wiped that hand down his face. That motion was becoming a standard anymore. After all, Skippy had done it not that long ago, and the Chief did it all the time.
“Oh, great,” he muttered.
“Don’t ignore me!” demanded the young bogo.
“Hi, Nikki,” said Dulp.
“Don’t ‘hi,’ me!” frowned the young bogo named “Nikki.” “What are you doing in the South Quarter! Mom’s going to bust your balls if she catches you here!”
“Whoa,” said Skippy in clear surprise. “You have a daughter, Dulp? I didn’t know that. You never mentioned that.”
“He has four!” exclaimed Nikki. “I’m his second! And what does Skippy mean, ‘I didn’t know that?’ And yes, I know who you are Skippy. Every bogo in Pingo knows who you are, but that doesn’t matter, because the only thing that matters is that my dad clearly forgot to tell you about me and my three sisters, which is one of the first things he should have mentioned! What are we to you, Dad, chopped liver!”
Honestly, this wasn’t his fault; it was just gob culture. Unlike Skippy, he couldn’t just waltz into the South Quarter anytime he wanted to, so it wasn’t like he was going to see any of his progeny anyway.
As for forgetting to mention his “little angels,” that was on him, but Gobdarnit, he was busy like all the time with Skippy, because the ugly little gob never seemed to slow down…like ever.
It was a Gobdarned fact that every gob in Pingo knew he had four daughters, and they neeeever failed to bring that up at the most inopportune moment. That was a little knife they liked to jab in and twist whenever they felt like it.
Regardless of those facts, Dulp was going to say something, anything, to diffuse this, but he really didn’t get a chance to, because Jenny was on a timetable, and that sundial was a…a…a sundialing away.
“Listen, Nikki,” said Jenny calmly, “I know you may be upset with Dulp—we all are—but we really need to find your mother right away. Do you know where she is?”
“She’s at her hutch,” replied Nikki. “Why?”
Skippy’s Field Notes #53:
So, I actually have been wondering about the genealogy of Pingo, because that is the one area I have not questioned or studied.
Apparently, most of the gobs and bogos I’m acquainted with all have kids, little goblings or goblets, and I did not know this at all. Apparently, the bogos are pregnant for such a short period of time, and goblings and goblets grow up so quickly, that it just never occurred to me that the gobs and bogos I know had any young ones to speak of.
It’s because I never really paid much attention to the little ones. I’ve seen them around, of course, but I just didn’t really notice them. On the gob’s side of the village, the goblings all have apprenticeships with whomever, but who they belong to was never mentioned. For instance, Dappa and Doo belong to Yappa, and apparently their skin will darken over time as they age, and well…once again, I did not know this.
The bogos are in much the same boat. Almost all of them have children, but I just hadn’t paid attention, because none of them are currently pregnant, as far as I can tell. It just never occurred to me that, as fierce and fearless as Lyga and Xenon are, they would have any children at all. In fact, I learned from Jenny that Lyga is still breastfeeding her youngest. That means Lyga’s still lactating, so…uhh…err…oh…I’ll think about that later when I have time…Maybe I should talk about something else.
Oh, that’s right…Dulp. Dulp receives quite a bit of hate for various reasons unknown to me, but I do know now that one of the reasons why he’s disdained is for never having produced any goblings; he’s only had daughters, which, according to the gobs in the village, makes him a “bogo-loving weeny-pickling orc-scat head.” In fact, there’s a rumor going around that “Lyga pickled his dill with her caustic love juices,” and if that happens, you supposedly only have bogos.
For the gobs, only Fancy has no children, but I don’t know why. I guess he’s infertile or something.
As for the bogos, only Jamie P. McGillicuddy, Plain Jane, and Jenny have no children.
I don’t know why Jamie has no kids, but Jenny has told me that Jamie isn’t really interested in sexual relations with the gobs, so I suspect that is a big factor in the whole “not having kids” thing. Jenny says that Jamie isn’t barren, so maybe Jamie has some kind of physical disorder to where she can’t be attracted to gobs enough to mate…Hmmm…Interesting theory…I hope that never happens to me…For being attracted to females, not males…You know what I meant…
Anyway, that’ll never happen, because you can’t keep this mad lad down!
As for Plain Jane and Jenny…well…Jane is just too plain to attract any gobs, though I’ve never actually laid eyes upon her, so I can’t really make a judgement on that, but as I said, I guess she’s just too plain, and that’s the consensus everyone shares, so…
Jenny, of course…well…we know why she’s never reproduced. There’s nothing like a prophecy of doom and destruction to keep you from making progeny. As old as she is for a bogo, Jenny still has her maidenhead, and I thank the Heavens for that giant boon…Uhhh, because she only deserves the best for her future husband or partner or whatever goblins have…
You know, I really need to study up on marriages and relationships for bo…uhhh…goblins in general.
Oh, yeah, before I forget…Murt has five sons, and all of them are quite large and muscular for gobs. Let that sink in.
S.P.W.
“I’m not going to lie to you, Nikki,” frowned Jenny. “Your mother’s really done it this time, so I’m going to have to punish her.”
The young teen bogo blanched to a pale green color upon the receiving of those ominous words.
“Please, don’t hurt my mother,” said Nikki in a tremulous voice.
“I’m not going to hurt her,” said Jenny firmly. “Well, I am going to hurt her, but just her pride. Only her pride.”
The change in the teenage bogo was immediate.
“Oh, she has plenty of that,” snorted Nikki as she waved off Jenny. “Go right ahead.”
Dulp nodded once to himself. Even his daughters knew what Lyga was really like. It would be nice to take “the Queen of the Bogos” down a peg, even if it meant his own impending destruction.
“Come on, everybody!” called out Jenny. “Let’s head to Lyga’s hutch!”
“Oh, count me in,” said Jamie. “I want ta see this. I’ve been waitin’ for this day for a long time.”
“Certainly,” grinned Jenny.
She waved her ground-hog skull staff, a complete darkness surrounded Dulp yet again, there was an intense cold associated with that cosmic black, and then he found himself inside Hippolyga’s hutch, the one place in the universe he absolutely did not want to be.
“Aww, crap!” hissed Dulp.
The beautiful “Queen of the Bogos,” was currently buck naked while standing over a wash bin, ringing water out of her clothes. She looked up at Dulp, her dark eyes widened, and then she stood, fully nude, showing off her stuff, a massive grin on her gorgeous face. She dropped her still wet clothes in a nearby bucket and turned to face Dulp, her hands on her hips.
The flickering lantern light of the hutch lanterns revealed everything there was to know about Lyga’s body, but this was old hat for Dulp. He’d seen and suffered from that body waaaaaay too many times.
“Dulp?” she asked. “What a surprise! Oh, you must have really ticked off Jenny for her to ’port you here.”
More portals opened up as everyone else in their little gang stepped out of them to enter Lyga’s hutch.
“There you are,” frowned Jenny.
Lyga cursed and then shrank inward as she covered her breasts and crotch with her hands.
“What the…!” she cried. “Get out of my hutch, you—”
She gasped as she looked upon Gesine’s stooping figure.
Gesine had to bend down just to fit in the hutch, so the huge female got down on her knees and simply watched without reply.
“How dare you bring that big human doggo into my home!” hissed Lyga. “She tried to kill us all!”
“We know,” frowned Jenny. “However, she’s changed because of Skippy, and she’s owned up to her actions, and honestly, I trust her integrity more than I do yours…You know what you and Xenon did to me, and I have HAD it with your shenanigans, so now some punishment is in order.”
“You?” asked Lyga in genuine surprise. “You want to punish me?”
The beautiful naked bogo gave a hearty laugh and shook her head no.
“Go home, Jenny,” chuckled Lyga. “You don’t have what it takes to ‘punish’ me.”
“Oh, I think she does,” said Jamie.
“Oh, shut up, Jamie,” frowned Lyga. “I’ll deal with you later.”
“No, you shut up,” said Jenny. “It’s time to teach you a lesson, Lyga.”
“Oh, really?” asked Lyga. “Well, I’ll just throw something on, and we’ll step outside, little witch. I’ll have to ask that Skippy turns around while I dress, though.”
“No, I don’t think so,” said Jenny. “You’re exactly the way I want you, naked and defenseless, so now it’s time for a trick, and I learned this little trick from watching Gesine, you see, so… Bindus Shadowcon Chainiki Limbicus!”
The spell worked exactly as when Gesine had cast it, only the recipient of it was now Lyga instead of Jenny.
Four small black portals appeared around Lyga, and thick chains made of dark-purple light, the same kind of magical chains that had previously bound Jenny, emerged from those little hovering black holes and wrapped around Lyga’s arms and legs.
The magical chains spread Lyga out in a nude ‘X’ so that nothing was left unrevealed.
“Hey!” screeched Lyga. “Not in front of Skippy! Come on! He can see everything!”
Dulp genuinely felt sorry for Skippy at this moment. The poor bastage had been subjected to the unhindered nudity of Xenon, Lyga, and worst of all, Jenny in just a matter of hours. The poor ugly little gob had to be completely insane by now, and that was in spite of him being a bonafide member of the White Skulls.
Dulp, of course, was immune to Lyga’s nakedness. It was call “inoculation,” but considering vaccines hadn’t been discovered yet, this was just him gaining a natural immunity over time.
Of course, aside from all that, Lyga’s protest fell on deaf ears.
“You’re a quick learner,” said Gesine in audible surprise. “That’s impressive, Jenny.”
“Shadows are my specialty,” smiled Jenny.
“Come on, you two!” cried Lyga. “Make Skippy turn around! This isn’t fair!”
“Who said anything about fair?” smirked Jenny. “Was it fair when you feathered me after I was out of it?…No, I don’t think so. No, I think it’s time to teach you a lesson. I’ve heard you like to use the ‘X,’ Lyga. I think, therefore, that big wooden X needs someone strapped to it other than Dulp.”
“Hey, no, wait!” yelled Lyga. “That’s mine! Only I use that! You can’t use that on me!”
Jenny waved her staff, a portal of darkness enveloped Lyga, and then another portal spit out Lyga right in front of her own big wooden X, the big wooden X Dulp had been strapped to countless times in the past.
The magical shadow chains binding Lyga escaped their portals and then bound themselves to the wood of the X. Lyga’s bare back, bare bottom, and bare legs were exposed to all.
“Hey! Hey!” screeched Lyga. “Let me go!…Help! Help!…Help me, Dulp! Do something!”
“Yeah, Dulp,” grinned Jenny. “Why don’t you do something?”
Jenny walked over to a standing wall mount that any normal person would have used to hold weapons, but no, this one held paddles, big wooden and reed-made paddles designed for one thing and one thing only, and unfortunately, Dulp was all too familiar with that one thing.
Lyga could not see behind herself, but she could see the wall next to her, so she could most definitely see Jenny perusing the paddle stand.
“Hey, you stay away from there!” cried Lyga. “Those are mine! You leave them alone!”
Jenny completely ignored her.
“You have quite the collection of Dulp-torture devices here,” snickered Jenny. “I think I just need to pick one that suits the occasion…Ah!”
She picked up an overlarge wooden paddle that had human writing etched into it, that writing accompanied by the carving of a bare human bottom at the top of it. The paddle was clearly human made, as it was way too large for a goblin bottom, and the human writing on it spelled out, in fancy curved lettering, “Butt Slayer.”
“No, not the Butt Slayer!” cried Lyga. “Not the Butt Slayer!”
“Yeah, that’s the one,” smiled Jamie. “Give ’er the Butt Slayer. I can’t wait to see this.”
“You shut up, Jamie!” screeched Lyga. “Once I get out of here, I’m going to beat you good!”
“Oh, no!” said Jamie in what Dulp could swear was mock fear. “Oh, don’t do that! My greatest fear is to be stripped naked and put up on the X just like you!”
“Oh, is it now?” asked Lyga. “And why would that be?”
“I have this nightmare,” replied Jamie. “I have this recurring nightmare where ya keep asking, “Do you want to eat my muffin?”, and I say, “No, Mistress,” and then ya smack me bare bottom hard. This just keeps happening over and over again until I…uhh…explode…with…with uhhh…with begging for mercy, of course.”
Dulp wasn’t sure what Jamie was doing, but the strange bogo’s greatest fear seemed like a pretty specific one if you asked him.
“I see what you’re doing!” hissed Lyga. “Do you think I’m an idiot! That won’t work on me, you freak!”
“Well, it was worth a try,” shrugged Jamie.
“Do you actually think…” snarled Lyga. “Do you actually think by confessing your greatest fear in front of everyone here, I’ll show you some mercy by not doing it, but that’s exactly what I’m going to do to you when I get ahold of you!” snarled Lyga. “Do you hear me, Jamie!”
“Oh, no!” said Jamie in more of what Dulp could swear was mock fear. “Don’t do that! Especially don’t do it tomorrow night after I’ve had me bath and put on me new perfume! I think around…right after dusk, just when we light the lanterns. That’s me normal alone ti…err…windin’ down time.”
“That’s exactly what I’m going to do!” hissed Lyga. “You just wait! Tomorrow night right after the lanterns are lit! I’m going to give it to you good! You’re going to be begging me to eat my muffin!…I don’t even know what a muffin is, but you’re going to be begging to eat it once I strap you on this X!”
“Oh, no!” grinned Jamie. “Oh, I shouldn’t have said anything!”
Either she wasn’t getting how much trouble she was in, or she was just delusional in thinking others would protect her, because Dulp was pretty sure Lyga wasn’t bluffing. He’d been on that X too many times to count, so Jamie’s big green bum was going to be burnished to a nice shade of red come tomorrow night…The eccentric bogo wasn’t going to be able to sit down for a week, but that’s what you get when you taunt Lyga.
“No, you shouldn’t have!” hissed Lyga. “You just wait until I—”
“Oh, shut up,” interrupted Jenny. “Leave Jamie alone.”
“Don’t you tell me to shut up, you little—” began Lyga.
Jenny hauled back and smacked Lyga’s big green bare bottom with the “Butt Slayer.” Lyga shrieked, and that shrieking cut short whatever insult the Queen of the Bogos was going to sling back at Jenny.
Dulp took a moment to study Skippy and learn what his reaction was to all of this, but the ugly little gob cashed out on them all.
Skippy’s eyes rolled up in the back of his head as he fell backwards to hit the floor with a loud “THUMP!” There was a huge grin on his face, but Dulp ignored the ugly little gob’s quick exit from consciousness. Skippy was just a lucky bastage to have fainted now, now when it counted the most, so he was just lucky on every level, and that was all there was to it.
“Oh, that looked like it hurt,” winced Gesine.
Of course, she had to be talking about the paddle, because she couldn’t be talking about Skippy passing out, because leaving consciousness in this situation was a mercy, not a punishment.
“It does,” nodded Dulp. “Dear Great Gob, does it ever.”
Clearly, Jenny agreed with Dulp over the matter, but what she said next was the final nail in Dulp’s metaphorical coffin.
“That’s why it’s your turn, Dulp,” nodded Jenny.
She handed him the big human-made wooden paddle and gave a nod toward Lyga.
“Give her thirty whacks,” ordered Jenny. “We’ll all count.”
“Don’t you dare, Dulp!” screeched Lyga. “You put up my paddle right now and get them out of my hutch!…I mean it!…You get them out of here and get me off my X, or you’re coming up here next!”
Dulp stared down at the “Butt Slayer.” This was the paddle Lyga used on him whenever she was really mad at him, and let me tell you, it left a mark.
Lyga struggled to turn her head to look back behind herself, but that was impossible.
“I mean it!” she growled. “You so much as lay a finger on me, and I’ll cut off your walnuts and fry them up for dinner!”
“Do it, Dulp,” commanded Jenny. “Do it, or what I’ll do to you is a lot worse than anything Lyga can do; I guarantee it.”
Dulp stared down at the paddle and nodded once to himself…He was about to earn himself a spot in the Made Place, because giving Lyga a good swatting was going to make him a real hero, a legend even, especially with every gob in Pingo. Oh, he’d fantasized about this moment for many a year, but he’d never actually believed it would happen, but now…now today was the day…Today was a good day to die.
Plus, he was just plain terrified of Jenny anyway.
“Sorry, Lyga,” he shrugged. “I’m going to have to be a martyr today. Guess there comes a time in every gob’s life when he’s faced with the inevitable…I can’t cross Jenny.”
“Dulp, don’t you dare!” shrieked Lyga. “Dulp, you stop right now! I mean it! Dulp!…DULP!…DUUUUUUUUULP!”
Dulp gave himself a satisfying grin as he pulled both arms back for a good windup for this storm. He swung the paddle at full force, and then came the thunder.
Skippy’s Field Notes #54:
Oh, I am so angry and disappointed with myself! Right after Jenny swatted Lyga’s naked bottom with the “Butt Slayer,” I went and passed out! Gesine woke me up later by splashing water on my face. Apparently, I had a fantastic grin to beat the band after I fell backwards and hit the floor, but I suppose that was to be expected after witnessing the whole of this magnificent fiasco.
So, to make a long story short, it ended up that Dulp gave Lyga thirty good and solid whacks, and Old Matron Bogo had to put a cream on Lyga’s bottom just so Lyga could sit down…
And I missed all of it!
Oh, I’m so mad!
On the bright side, I’ve seen every part of Lyga naked, so I’ll be doing a few Hippolyga sketches, only thirty or so, one, I figure, for each whack she took from Dulp.
The Quest of the Bare Bottoms is actually bearing fruit!
Yes, I think that should cheer me up…for posterior’s sake, of course.
Can’t do enough for posteriors…uhh…posterity!
S.P.W.
*****
Dulp was now in the North Quarter, waiting for the inevitable, right outside the Chief’s hutch. As for the others, Skippy and Gesine were back in Dulp’s hutch writing that “letter of recommendation,” Xenon was being plucked and washed in the South Quarter behind Old Matron Bogo’s hutch, Jamie had gone back to her own hutch for some “alone time,” and Lyga was laying down on her own bearskin sheets in her own hutch trying not to lie on her sore bum…
In fact, by the time Dulp had finished his thirty whacks, Lyga’s bum had looked like a ripe strawberry.
Now he was here in the North Quarter, because the Chief and Old Matron Bogo were talking in private about what to do about Dulp, because hitting a bogo was a no-no, not that any gob would be stupid enough to commit sewercide like that, but Dulp’s situation was unique due to the compelling force of Jenny, so it looked like his sentence was going to be lighter than Jenny’s after all.
Jenny had been sentenced to cleaning the cauldrons and the rims of the murderholes, just like she’d predicted, though she’d been sentenced to three months, not one or two, and considering how short life was, three months was a long frikkin’ time.
Now there was a crowd of gobs around them, gobs and even a few bogos, goblins of Pingo just here to see what kind of punishment the Chief was going to lay down on Dulp, and Dulp was not looking forward to it one bit.
Both the Chief and Old Matron Bogo were discussing Dulp’s punishment, and this was the moment in time Dulp was at, that moment in time before one leaves their mortal coil.
“If you can just give me some privacy,” said the Chief in a grim tone. “Give me some privacy, and I’ll lay down the law on this pork brain of a gob.”
“All right,” nodded Old Matron Bogo. “I don’t think you should be too hard on him, though. Jenny’s already been punished, and she made him do it.”
“You don’t know Dulp,” sighed the Chief. “Honestly, though, you need to have a firmer hand, Beatrice. You need to keep the bogos in line. If Lyga had been handled early on, this wouldn’t have happened…I just…I just don’t like the thought of any of our bogos getting injured.”
“Well, having a firm hand is what got me into trouble in the first place, Lort,” replied Old Matron Bogo. “There’s still some resentment from years past. Now I’m not saying to spoil the child and spare the rod…I’m just saying to use the rod sparingly.
“Lyga will be all right. She’s a little tender, but you know my medicine will get her back up on her feet by tomorrow. She just needs a good night’s rest…As for Jenny…Jenny has been assigned cauldron and murderhole duty for three months.”
The Chief whistled and shook his head.
“That’s a long time,” he said.
“Yes,” nodded the old bogo. “Yes, it is. I expect you to punish Dulp accordingly, but do it fairly. He should be punished, but he was compelled by Jenny…She threatened him.”
“Oh, he’s definitely still going to get it,” grimaced the Chief. “You don’t lay a finger on the bogos; every gob in Pingo knows that…Oh, I’m going to give him what for. Like I said, I just need you to grant me a little privacy, because I don’t think the crowd here needs to hear what I’m going to lay down on him. His punishment will come tomorrow in private.”
Dulp swallowed hard. This was not going to be pleasant.
“All right,” said Old Matron Bogo. “Just show him a little mercy, Lort.”
“You’re too soft, Beatrice,” said the Chief. “Dulp needs a proper punishment, so I’m going to give him one. Just raise the barrier for me.”
The Chief walked up to Dulp, Old Matron Bogo waved her staff, and a magical barrier made of amber light spread in a dome around the Chief and Dulp, blocking both entry and sound for everyone else.
The Chief glared at Dulp, and Dulp gulped yet again.
No one could hear them while they were in this magical dome, and if the Chief opened up a can of whoop-ass on him, no one was getting in to save him, either.
“What were you thinking, you magnificent bastage!” yelled the Chief.
Dulp winced at first, but then he comprehended the second part of that beratement, and this thoroughly confused him.
“Wait, what did you call me?” he asked.
“Shut up!” barked the Chief. “You are deep in the scat now, you incredible stud! Just for this, I’m going to have to punish you with the terrible burden of eating an entire fried chicken and making you take all of tomorrow off, every last second of it!”
Dulp’s eyes widened as realized what the Chief was saying, but he didn’t get a chance to comment upon it. The Chief’s yelling, was in fact, very loud inside the magical amber dome they were enclosed within, and if he interrupted the Chief, the Chief would probably just yell louder.
“You are incredibly stupid!” yelled the Chief. “And for this incredible stupidity, you will now have a secret title that only everyone in the entire village will know, and that secret title is “Slayer of Lyga’s Big Green Bare Butt!” You are to take a bottle of my finest wine out of my own collection as part of your punishment, and then I will have Bok fry up a whole chicken! You are to eat that chicken, and then you are to sleep the next day all the way through! Do you hear me, you stallion of a gob!”
Dulp vigorously nodded his head. He’d definitely heard the Chief this time.
“You are to NEVER pull this again!” yelled the Chief. “I mean it, Dulp! As much as I’ve detested you in the past, you are now a national gob treasure, and I can’t afford to lose you, and I know for a FACT that Lyga is going to utterly obliterate your bum come next Rush Time, so you are going to hang your head right now, give the most dejected look you can possibly give, and get out of my sight! You’ll receive your punishment in full tomorrow! Now get out of here!”
Dulp hung his head as instructed. The Chief pointed off toward Dulp’s hutch, and the barrier surrounding them collapsed as Old Matron Bogo canceled her own spell.
He walked slowly out through the crowd, head hung low, but he was interrupted by the presence of four bogos, or rather, four rascals he knew quite well.
All four of his daughters were here.
Bonnie was the oldest, followed by Nikki, then Myka, and last but not least, Shale, who was only a toddler.
“What are you four doing in the North Quarter?” asked Dulp.
“We wanted to see if you were going to be pulled apart by trolls,” said the oldest, Bonnie.
Skippy’s Field Notes #55:
So, I’ve mentioned before that Dulp is a mere sixteen years of age in actual years, and that equates to about fifty-seven in halfling years, or thirty-one in human years (See Field Entry #6!).
His daughters are the ages of seven, five, four, and less than a year old, which means Dulp had his first child at the age of nine! Obviously, these ages are in actual years, which means his daughters are about sixteen, fourteen, twelve, and two in human years, respectively.
Interestingly enough, halflings and dwarves age at much the same rate as humans when they are young. My race and the dwarves tend to age much slower once out of puberty. Goblings and goblets, however, tend to age very quickly when they are young, and then that aging slows somewhat after puberty, just like my race, but goblins, in general, still age very quickly.
Their aging rate, I think, is the reason these lower subhumanoids are, in general, intellectually challenged, simply because they do not have enough time to actually learn anything of worth before they leave our world for greener, more spiritual pastures.
However, Jenny tells me that due to the fact gobs and bogos tend to reincarnate rather than stick around a higher plane of existence (or lower, if you count the goblin underworld known as “Heckens”—see Field Entry #12!), she believes that some aspects of each former life “stick around” with each new life, guaranteeing that gobs and bogos learn something if they have a habit of sticking with any activity for a worthwhile length of time.
Also, I have discovered something quite fascinating about Pingo, specifically Pingo. You would think with the high rate of reproduction and the quick aging factor of goblins, Pingo would be brimming with gobs and bogos galore, but alas, this isn’t so. It is true that many goblins tend to die by some kind of violence, but Pingo is relatively peaceful, so violence is not a key factor in the disappearance of the residents of this quaint little village.
No, the key factor in Pingo’s low population is actually due to migration. Pingo is considered the “low bar” for other goblin tribes, so other goblin tribes will often “recruit” from Pingo to bolster their numbers.
Goblin tribes have intertribal rivalries, so they will “poach” from other tribes by luring them over with bribery and sweet talk. Pingo, however, is where the tribes go to get the “trash” for free, but they will occasionally find someone of worth, much like discovering a lost treasure at a yard sale, so that intertribal pickup from Pingo is the same as any gambling at dice. You lose 90% of the time, but there’s always that chance you’ll win big, so the other tribes haven’t completely cut off Pingo.
Gobs from Pingo are generally considered worthless by the other tribes, but the other tribes will take recommendations, much like my recommendation I wrote for Gesine for her employment at the Academy.
This is the reason Dulp is so desperate for a recommendation from me in order to get into the White Skulls, but there is, of course, two problems with that recommendation and why it will never happen: Obviously, I, being a strapping young halfling lad, am not a member of the White Skulls, as I’m not even a gob, but secondly and on a more important note, I personally don’t believe Dulp would survive one day in the White Skulls, so this is for his own good.
Bogos, on the other hand, are traded out for “marriage” purposes to other tribes. The majority of goblin tribes are patriarchal, as it should be, but Pingo is egalitarian, and their little set up creates bogos that are…umm…typically “unhinged” by goblin standards. According to Dulp, the bogos of Pingo are mentally unstable, violent, bossy, and oversexed, which lowers their value amongst the other tribes.
Even so, it’s sometimes considered a rite of passage for young goblins to take a wife from Pingo, as a gob from another tribe must “break” and then “dominate” his Pingo wife, and if he can accomplish this, he is considered a “male of the highest degree” or an “alpha male.”
Personally, I don’t see any evidence of such behavior amongst the bogos. They seem like every other female I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting, and this includes females of all races, and I’ve met quite the diverse assortment.
Ah, the ladies love me!
S.P.W.
“Pingo doesn’t have trolls, girls,” sighed Dulp. “Besides, your mother’s going to do that to me soon enough.”
“We know,” said Nikki matter-of-factly. “She said she’s going to crush your walnuts and dill and churn them into butter. Then she said she’s going to spread that on some bread and eat it front of you.”
“Wonderful,” muttered Dulp.
He may have gotten out of a punishment from the Chief, and Heckens, he was going to savor that reward every second of tomorrow, but Lyga was furious with him, and Lyga…that crazy bogo never forgets a transgression.
“Well, I guess it’s good that you came to see me one last time,” frowned Dulp. “Your mother’s going to kill me the first chance she gets.”
Well, on the bright side, he was getting a big reward tomorrow, and at least he wasn’t Jamie…Jamie was going up on the X tomorrow night right after the lanterns were lit…
What a dummy, walking right into a punishment like that. With Lyga’s bum the way it is now, Jamie’s was going to look like a molten bar of iron by they time Lyga was finished with her, because Dulp sure as Heckens wasn’t going to be there, and that meant Lyga was all rage without her preferred target, and that meant Lyga was going to need a victim to take it out on.
“Oh, well,” shrugged Dulp. “At least I’m not Jamie.”
Goblins in the Mist: Chapter Thirteen Copyright © 2025 bloodytwine.com Matthew L. Marlott
Author’s Note: The picture for this story was partially generated via artificial intelligence courtesy of Canva.com.